


Even Numbers

by atlas_is_bad_news



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Cutting, Depression, Sadstuck, Self Harm, self hate, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-18
Updated: 2018-02-18
Packaged: 2019-03-20 19:24:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 620
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13724376
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/atlas_is_bad_news/pseuds/atlas_is_bad_news
Summary: ***SERIOUS SELF HARM WARNING***Like its completely all about self harm sorryVent Homestuck Fic about sad Dirk





	Even Numbers

It felt bad but it felt good.  
Dirk knew it was something to do with brain signals and adrenaline and dopamine. He knew it was the tingle in his brain doing this for him. He could explain it in so many different ways but right now, all he was worried about was getting an even number. There were 5 lines of blood on his wrist. 1 looked lonely so he had to do 2, 2 looked weird so he had to do 3, 3 was an uneven number so he had to do 4, the 5th was impulsive, he regretted the 5th. But now there was 5 there had to be 6. 

“You’re a fucked up guy, Dirk”

Hal's tinny voice played in his ears through the tiny speaker he had built into his shades. Dirk knew it was bad when Hal was his voice of reason. He paused, the sharpened razor between his fingers was lifted away from the skin. 

“Isn’t this better than telling them? Admitting it? Isn’t it better to take the pain and swallow it than cause others pain?” 

Dirk found himself nodding along. He had done nothing but hurt people, purposefully or not, he had hurt people. They were better off without him, everyone was. Jake would grieve, he would find a way past all of it though, the others would help him out. Jane wouldn’t notice, she’d be too caught up in other things. Roxy, his dear Roxy, maybe...

“She'd drink to forget. Then she wouldn’t remember you. You’re nothing special, they wouldn’t remember you. Who the hell do you think you are? Some kind of hot shot? Your own brother didn’t even stick around, Jake dumped you as soon as he realised what a mistake he was making, Roxy would move on, find other faggot to pander to. No one would miss you. Add another.”

Hal had barely finished before Dirk’s razor was slotted into his skin a few centimetres below number 5. It stung, then it burned briefly as the skin heated up, then as Dirk dragged it across his bumpy white scars and fragile skin, it nipped like crazy. He put the razor down once it had made it’s way out of his skin. There was a few seconds where Dirk could see into the wound before the blood surfaced, he could see the layers of skin and the pink insides. Beads of blood threaded themselves on to the red line he had made, signs of life, how rare. 6.

“You chose this. This is your decision. You chose to be alone in your life.” 

He chose this. They were better off without him. Stop trying to be different stop trying to be happy. You’re incapable of it you’re not allowed. You are nothing special, Dirk Strider.

“No one cares about you"

No one loves you.

“You are an insignificant dot in the universe. You are worthless.”

No one wants you. Your mind and body is messed up.

“You are worthless.”

7 went too deep. Dirk knew as soon as he pushed and he felt the skin under the pressure of the blade slice like butter. Everything was covered in blood, dark red blood, red like his sick brother's eyes. The steel table underneath his stretched out arm was filled with a puddle of red. 

“That’s better” Hal smirked. “You don’t even deserve the body you are in.”

Dirk formed a fist with his hand and watched the blood pour more from the severed vein. He'd stopped feeling it by now. He recounted. Goddamnit Dirk.   
8 had to be the last, it was more shallow, bled less thanks to the gash that was 7. 

“Freak” Hal said.

“Worthless” Dirk echoed. 

Sore.


End file.
